keskiviikko 24. marraskuuta 2010

Reasons why WoW sucks

Reasons why WoW sucks

1 - The grind
2 - The meaninglessness
3 - Battlegrounds
4 - World PvP
5 - World PvE
6 - Professions

Most views I've come across are full of personal dislike towards the game,
failing to explain the general flaws as a whole. In this review I'm going to point out those issues so that anyone could understand why WoW sucks, even those who never played it before. This roast is kinda big, so where to start?
Let's kick it off with the basics.

1 - The grind

You start by creating your character (short: char) 

and begin the forced grind from lvl 1 to 85.

You get endless amounts of "quests",

(which are actually nothing more than self repeating boring tasks)
each being something as challenging, fun and diverse as:

-kill or protect X amount of Y
-collect or distribute X amount of Y

The only thing that changes among these quests is the cosmetic appearance.
New zones come with new mobs that have
different models, animations, colors, sounds, but the main grid stays the same.
(A mob is a generic term for any non-player entity whose
primary purpose is to be killed for experience, quest objective, or loot).

All mobs have the same aggro radius percentage
(aggro denotes the aggressive interests of a mob),
which is increased for low level chars, and decreased for high level chars.

These mobs spawn on a preset map grid, on preset locations, with preset gap patterns between each other, because we all know how predictability equals fun.
This is to force your low char away from higher level zones by
having every mob within a 300 yard radius eat your ass up in seconds.

So much for freedom of choice regarding your desired location.

Can you feel the "epic adventure" yet, can you?
Minesweeper in 3-D, only 12,99€ / month!

So, one way to level up is to do those quests. When you finally do level up,
you gain a 20% increase in all attributes, hit points, abilities to deal and resist damage.
After this glorious moment of inner fulfillment and spiritual satisfaction,
you find yourself moving on to the next quests, doing... guess what?

Yep, the same thing you just did 15 minutes ago, against mobs who ALSO have all their attributes, hit points, abilities to deal and resist damage increased by 20%!
Well fuck me in the ass and call me Daisy... is that some progress or what?

2 - The meaninglessness

Anything you do, no matter how epic you think it is, won't change jack or shit.
You can not affect anything in the realms of WoW.
One could attack the opposing factions capital and kill their king,
only to watch him respawn minutes later. Nobody cares, nothing would change.

There are however achievements which can earn you titles.
This feature got introduced some years ago and was a instant hit among all the no life nerds, who were now able to grind meaningless virtual personal points,
so they could pump up their e-penis and brag about what they did.

So the higher your "achievement score" is, the bigger a loser you are.
Grinding shit for hours every day, just to have a title show up next to your name,
which is nothing more than a direct indicator for how much time you have spent in this game, and screaming out to everyone after killing your 100,000,000th troll and gaining exalted reputation with the who-gives-a-flying-fuck faction:

"Look at me... LOOK! AT! ME! I am THIS fucking bored with my life and this game!"

Oh, and there isn't even a thing you can use achievement points on,

but you do keep paying 12,99€ / month for it. Just as a kind reminder.
Congratulations, you are a total slave without any imagination or needs to express yourself, even in a virtual world. And that if anything, is fucking sad.    

3 - Battlegrounds
  (BG's, instanced areas used for player vs player combat)
BG's are divided into brackets, each housing players within a 10 level range,
starting from 10-19, then 20-29, 30-39, etc.
Here you can fight it out with a tight group, 10vs10, 15vs15 and even 40vs40,
capture flags, hold and control bases, and more.

So it's just like Team Fortress 2, but with a 12,99€ monthly fee, fantasy theme skins, and only a handful of maps? Cool. Totally worth the money.
But seriously, BG's would be pretty fun, if PvP wasn't so fucked up.
Let's take a better look.

As I explained earlier, as a char levels up, all his stats grow.
This means when your level x1 char fights a level x9, that guy will have:

(1) More base stats, strength, agility, life, mana
(2) Access to better gear, since items have level requirements 
(3) Access to better defensive and offensive potions, also level requirement issued
(4) More powerful spells and abilities, which grow with a chars level
And if that wouldn't enough, they added:
(5) A hit rate penalty, which scales between char levels

It's like putting a physically challenged 12 year old girl and Mike Tyson into the same ring, say "anything goes", blind the girl on top of that,
and call it a FAIR and BALANCED fight. Fucking brilliant 'ey?

What do you gain from BG's then? Experience and honor points.
You level up a bit, and get points to spend on PvP gear, gear which is on par
with any item you find in random dungeons in far less time by then.

And this gear is, of course, also restricted up to level x8.
So if you are level x0 - x7 and join a BG, enjoy getting raped by all those level x8 - x9 guys with their PvP reward gear, which makes them earn more honor points,
leading to better gear, leading to more win, leading to... you get the picture.

The system rewards winners so they could... stay in the winning cycle?
What a brilliant way to keep BG's balanced and populated.
That's how smart the designers of the worlds most subscribed MMORPG game are.
And you are still paying 12,99€ each month for this. Sigh.

4 - World PvP (Player vs Player)

You can choose to play on servers that are PvP.
What does this mean? Makes you think of awesome battles,
shit hitting the fan everywhere, right?
Not even in your wildest dreams.

A PvP server has sanctuary zones, so you can't do anything cool or fun,
even if you wanted to. You are simply flagged as PvP all the time in neutral zones, meaning, anyone can attack you. And most of the time it's some achievement whore, way higher than you, just waiting to stumble upon you so he can blow your
low-level-shit-gear-free-kill-head off in one shot for his own amusement,
then jerk off in ecstasy to the thought that he has just wasted real time of another persons life with a single mouse click.

Think of minesweeper again. Now imagine a guy seeing where the mines are and having the ability to control your mouse,
clicking on the mines intentionally for you. Just fucking around with you for fun.
And yes, you are STILL paying 12,99€ every month for this. God bless you my child.

5 - World PvE  (Player vs Environment)

The main point in a PvE (normal) server would be to avoid the kind of shit that goes on in PvP servers, as I mentioned above. Funny thing is, after leaving a BG, 

you are still flagged for PvP for 5 minutes. 
Even though you specifically chose a non-PvP server, 
you are still forcefully flagged for PvP outside sanctuaries. 

Have fun running back to your corpse from the nearest graveyard.
No no no no, ...I INSIST!

6 - Professions
99.9% of all crafted things are useless, and have only one meaning:
to self perpetually skill up your profession, so you can skill it up more, etc.
There is no reason in making an item that's on par with something equally useful,
which you can find for less time, gold and effort. 

Let's check out enchanting for example.
You stack up on "magic dust" and start a slow ass, manual spamming process,
"+5 hit points" (totally useless bullshit) on the same pair of bracers,
until your skill level hits 100. Then you learn a dozen new, equally useless enchants, and keep spamming your profession up another 100 levels,
with a slightly different colored magic dust

Next time you watch paint dry, after skilling up your professions in WoW, 
make sure you're alone 'cos you might get a boner from all the excitement.

X - Blizzard chat policy

Man I love this part.
Blizzards EULA (end user license agreement) basically says in short:
"Our game, our rules, we do whatever the fuck we want to, 
and there's not a god damn thing you can do about it, lol, bitches."

So, if you happen to disagree with any other player while having a chat,
and decide to tell them like any normal person to either "shut the fuck up", 
"fuck off", "shut up", "go away", "be silent", "I hate you", 
"I dislike you", or anything that is NOT kissing their ass, they can and will file a complaint about you. 

You might get a warning and a tempoary 24-48h ban. After 3 warnings it's a permanent ban, and your whole account gets deleted, with the CD keys of your games being blocked forever. So you can flush 100€ down the toilet.
- WoW classic 15€
- The burning crusade 15€
- The lich king 30€
- Cataclysm 40€

The fucked up part is this:
Blizzard doesn't tell you WHAT you said that got you a warning/ban!
Thye just say "use of inappropriate language" and don't specify what you said, or when, and hide behind "privacy policy rules" when asked about. 

If being a parent, Blizzard would scold their child by kicking it in the face, 
and just yelling "NO! BAD BAD BAD BAD! NO!" 
Now how the fuck is anyone supposed to know what they did wrong, 
and prevent themself from repeating that mistake if not given any explanation?

You could say "nice one, good game everyone, really!" after a BG,
and short in leet that would look something like this "N1GGER!"
Oops? Even if you wouldn't shorten it, anyone could file a report about it,
saying that you ment to spell a hidden message, the N word.
And Blizzard wouldn't even bother asking about your intentions or motives.

Worst case scenario, someone is selling a pet duck and looks for a buyer,
and you shout out on the general chat channel "I WANT THAT FUCK!"
"D" is right next to "F", how easy would that typo be?
And trust me, the amount of bored, no life emo, fucked up geeky nerd trolls playing WoW is infinite. They are just everywhere, all the time, waiting for anything to happen that would give them an excuse to report another player, resulting in a possible ban.

And nobody would ask you wether it was a typo or not.
They just scan the chat log and block your CD keys.

The game has 2 options for these player related situations.
A "report" function, a time consuming ticket that you need to open, write all the shit down what happened, when and why you are pissed off, etc.

This should be used only when you see hackers or bots.
The "ignore" funtion is faster, and more powerful.
Simply right click on a players name, a drop menu opens, and you left click "ignore".
Done. You don't have to listen to the whining or "inapproriate language" anymore.
But for some reason reporting seems to be the absolute favorite.

Why? As I said, the game is full of emotinally unstable, disturbed, fucked up nerdy crybabies, who also suffer from extremely low self esteem, and high pride.
So as soon as you say something that hurts them 
(and we all know that anything does that trick), they flip out into nerd rage mode,
starting to flame and annoy you to the point where you just, 
again like any normal person, tell them to "shut the fuck up".

So Blizzard allows any asshole to harass and annoy you, as long as it's done below the "innapproriate" line going at 99.99%, but as soon as you say something back at 100%, you become the worst piece of shit and the reason why there are wars, hunger, diseases and global warming. Great, no freedom of speech either.

Behind this is of course also the fact that Blizzard is a huge multi-million business,
which must kneel down before the whole politically correct bullshit movement.
The trend is to blame anything and anyone else but the root cause itself, 
when something bad happens. 

There have been always crazy people, who do crazy shit.
A guy went up water tower 100 years ago, started killing people with his rifle.
Did he have any rap or heavy metal, violent movies or video games?
Anyone influenced him in a WoW chat by using language, which could by some be described as inapproriate? No.

So shut the fuck up and stop whining.
Blizzard is a bitch, a whore.
They refuse to do the right thing, which would be telling the community this:

"We are not going to waste time and resources solving issues and affairs between different players. We have given you the perfect tool for it, the ignore-function.
Learn to use it if you see, read or hear something that does not please you."

You are a fucking retard that needs to drop dead instantly if you claim that,
allowing free speech in a game, without any restrictions or supervision, would lead to nothing but hatred and racism, since everyone would just go on a N-word rampage.
You might as well claim that allowing the unrestricted sale of knives would lead to human extinction, since everyone would just instantly go stabb everyone to death.

Oddly enough, there are a lot of tools and ways, more or less restricted, to kill others, but only rarely this happens. And why is that? Because CRAZY bitches do CRAZY shit.
So stop shifting the blame and attention away from the real problem:

The no life, angry, sad, revenge thirsty, troublesom nerds who have only one mission; to flame and troll on others. And thanks to them, the rest of us all has to fear and watch what we are allowed to say or not, since even mistakes and typos can and will be unecessarily taken out of context and interpreted as OUR bad intentions. 

And bullshit like that, restricting my freedom of self expression, is PISSING ME OFF.

X - The summary

WoW is a game that rewards players who spend more time in it than others.
The more one p(l)ays, the "better" his char becomes.
There is no room for imagination, creativity or skills.
WoW has done nothing more than stolen parts from popular games,
melted them together in a series of mini-in-games, and slapped a monthly fee on it.